Fashion: Mourning
Rituals related to mourning the dead in early 19th century America differ sharply by social class.
For the commoners, time could stop only momentarily to put a black ribbon on the front door, lay a casket out in the parlor, have the local preacher say a few prayers in the presence of family and friends, and collect a few remembrances such as a lock of hair or a prized possession. But for the survivors it was quickly back to work, mostly on farms.
Meanwhile America’s upper class mourning customs were very different and well codified during the 18th and 19th centuries.
As expected, the burden for compliance falls heavily on women, and proceeds through three stages.
First comes “deep mourning,” marked by retreat from all social activities and dressing from head to toe entirely in black. Faces are covered in veils. Jewelry is forbidden. The dresses themselves are made from dull fabrics like crepe or bombazine and worn exclusively for at least a year.
England’s Queen Victoria sets the standard for deep mourning following the death in 1861 of her husband Albert. Her devastation is such that she is unable to attend the funeral, and then wears nothing but black dress for the remaining 42 years of her life, as shown in her photo on horseback.
For most women, the second phase, “ordinary mourning,” begins one year and one day after a death. Veils are withdrawn from the face and white trims are allowed to set off the otherwise total blackness. Ribbons and subtle jewelry may be added.
Thus we see another devastated widow in Mary Lincoln, adorned in the ordinary morning look she will wear for the remaining 17 years of her life.
The third phase, “half mourning,” takes over for most women after one year and nine months, and lasts for only three months. Crepe gives way to softer cloth and touches of white, while bonnets and jewelry are permitted. The famous widow Myra Gaines, seen below with fan in hand, symbolizes this phase.
The typical duration of mourning varies by the relation to the deceased, as follows:
How Long Mourning Lasts for Women
| Relation of deceased | Full Mourning | Half Mourning | Social Restriction |
|---|---|---|---|
| Husband | One year | — | One year |
| Parents/Son/Daughter | 8 months | 4 months | — |
| Very Young Children | 3 months | ||
| Brother/Sister | 3-6 months | ||
| Grandparent | 4-6 months |
When it comes to men, the mourning rules are far less restrictive. Aside from wearing black suits in case of the death of a wife, their only mandate calls for black bands on their sleeves over a short period of time. The 1865 photo of General Ulysses Grant is shown here with these ribbons honoring the death of Abraham Lincoln’
Once cameras appear around 1845, photography also plays an important role in mourning as a way to provide a tangible keepsake of a loved one. If fact, many family albums include carefully posed post-mortem images of children and even soldiers lost in the Civil War.